I was nine years old when my family moved from India to Jersey City, NJ in 1982. The primary reason for moving our family from India to US was to provide a better life and education for my brothers and I. Growing up 1st generation Indian in a new country came with its own challenges as one would expect, from making new friends, learning a new language and a new way of living. Everything was just a learning process and I took it all in not realizing how certain habits were going to have a profound impact on me throughout my life. As children, we learn many lessons and habits from our parents since they are our role models. One such habit which has made a profound difference in my life, taught to me by parents was delayed gratification.
Moving from India to the US was no easy hurdle for my family. My mother arrived six months before we did, with only $20.00 to her name, away from the only home and family she ever knew. With some help from her uncle, she was able to acquire a job at Jersey City Medical Center and eventually with hard work and grit earn her registered nurse (RN) license. My parents are my heroes, they took a chance to come to a new country to create a better life for their children and themselves.
One of my parents’ goal upon moving to the US was to own their own home. My parents saved every bit of their hard-earned money so we can purchase our own home, that was our family goal, our vision. In order to make any goal a reality, sacrifices need to be made and as a family we made a sacrifice to live a minimalist life style. Minimalism was not a main stream word in the 1980s but it was a way of living for us. Learning to live a life of minimalism taught us to appreciate everything we had, from toys to clothes to books. My parents vision of owning their first home became a reality in 1985, just three short years after moving to the US.
I adopted my parents rule on delayed gratification, which became a way of living for me, the normal for me. I got my first job at the age of 15 at a local McDonalds, working every Saturday and Sunday mornings at 6 AM. I was a saver like my parents, as a teenager the many trips to the mall with my friends didn’t result in wasting my hard-earned money since I knew the value of hard work and saving my money, I had the bigger picture in my mind. I understood it was ok to delay my gratification on something that I really didn’t need and did not meet my values or my future goals. Don’t get me wrong, I did treat myself to movies, clothes, but I knew what my limits were.
The lessons I learned from delaying my gratification allowed me to accumulate an abundant amount of money by the age of 25. I learned to live beneath my means and delayed gratification has allowed me to live a life based on what is important to me and my values.
Delaying gratification is a form of self-control which has helped me in other parts of my life.
I’ve used this principal to help me control my weight. Even after having two children, I’m the same weight as I was when I got married. I was able to do this based on how I value my body. I learned the short-term happiness of indulging daily did live up to my intentions of who I am. Knowing what is important to me and being self-aware of it and living with this frame of mind has allowed me to make the best decisions for my life.
Delayed gratification has made me a better mother as well. As most of us know, raising children requires much patience which we have a limited amount of as our day progresses. By having clarity and the bigger picture in mind, I allow myself to stay in control of my emotions. It’s easy to lose control of situation which results in mixed signals on the values we are teaching our children. But if we make a conscious choice to take control of our words and actions during these times, it will create a positive environment to raise children. After all we are our children’s role model.
As a small business owner for the past 10 years, lessons learned in my early years have helped me to be a more effective and caring leader. Some of what I’ve learned as a product of my habit of delayed gratification are, managing my time, doing the most important tasks which will benefit my business and my team and communicating effectively with my team.
Being an entrepreneur demands so much from me and pulls me in many different directions. Learning to manage my time has been a constant issue for me until I put into practice what I’ve learned from my childhood. Once again, having a clear picture of what I want to achieve in my business has allowed me to deliver on what is important. I take control of my time and finish the task at hand instead of putting out fires all day long or being easily distracted by non-important issues. As a leader for a team of 50 people, I can truly say delayed gratification has helped me to retain the best team with the lowest turnover rate. I believe in treating my team as an extension of my family, if a mistake is made we try to fix and learn from it. Once again, it would be easy to point fingers and play the blame game but why not try a different approach which results in respect and camaraderie.
I think we all need to get comfortable with being a little uncomfortable to expand our vision of what truly matters.
Who knew my early years of delaying gratification would have such an effect on me in major areas of my life.
My parents are in their 70 and 80s now and live in their modest home which they bought in 1987. Even though they can afford to buy any fancy car of their choice, they choose to drive a Honda Accord.
They realized their dream of raising three children who are successful and happy and provided us with values which we will pass down to our children.
